Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
