HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
