I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize