i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
