i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
