I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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