you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
