I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
