just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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