Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
