After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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