I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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