u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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