when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
