Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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