Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
