we have pet lesbian snakes
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I forget how to act sober
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
