and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dignity is for republicans.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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