We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
