How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
as a side note pls kill me
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
