ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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