seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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