Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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