i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
