You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My vagina is very pro this idea
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
