That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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