this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize