I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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