Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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