That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
