we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize