we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
