Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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