I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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