I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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