I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
