apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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