under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
