if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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