Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
