scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
