He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
there was a trapeze. enough said
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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