end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
