Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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