TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
