Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
