Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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