Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
