my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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