i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
