Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
