Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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