We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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