So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
