i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize