I just made out with a guy for $7.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
