I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize