Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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