direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
