I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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