Is it normal to miss your booty call?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
