I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
