It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
