Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
