I met the friendliest cop last night
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
