It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
