and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
