I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
